dimanche 30 décembre 2007

my first nightmare

Had my first nightmare since being in Paris. At least, one that I oddly remember so well. I'm with some friends who are film majors also, and we're talking to these industry people to help me get my film made. The industry people wanted my film to get made, but, they said, the only way I was going to get this film made was if I film some scenes and pretty much put on this whole show for the "corporate people", and that's totally not my style. I said that either they like it or not, they give me the money or not. I'm not going do some stupid dance for them so that they can give me the money to make my film. It would cease to be my film when all those corporate people have all the money and can tease me with it and just as easily make it their film. The setting ceased to be room where I was pitching my script, but this gaudy, monstrosity of a set that I did not envision for my film. It was a wedding scene, and we were in the middle of this church that was all decorated in flowers and white everywhere. There was this band to one side, the corporate people on the other, the industry people in the middle of the aisles, and my friends giving out direction for me because I was too numb to do anything.

And it was getting out of hand, it was not what I wanted.

And nobody wanted to do it my way, and nobody was listening except for my friend's brother Dan (fake name), also in film and in real life a bit older and wiser about working in film, who I've only met twice and very briefly. At first, he was gun-ho, thought it was a good idea, but when it was getting out of hand, he started to see. Of all my friends and the industry people, my friend's brother who I've only said 3 words to in our time together in real life, he was the one who understood. And in the middle of this circus-like fiasco, in this elaborate show to impress these stupid suits, he came to me at the altar and without saying anything, he hugged me. It was comforting at that moment, but it wasn't enough. That's when I woke up. I'm not even out of film school yet, and I'm having this nightmare. Can you imagine what terrors await me when I'm finished with school?

Other than that, a cool day. Hung out in front of Shakespeare and Co. while Nayo and Sarah were inside. I was sitting right on this bench writing some ideas down in my Moleskine:When this European guy trying out his French comes up to me with a book and asks if I'm the one selling the books. I smiled and told him, in French, that he can go inside and pay, and I point to the store. That was like the best thing that happened to me today. Being mistaken for a bookstore owner. Sarah said, "How does writing in a Moleskine warrant you as a bookstore owner?" I said I didn't know but I joked, "I should have taken his money...But what if I didn't have any change to give him?" And then this line of people behind him would form as I played the bookstore owner. The Shakespeare people are really trusting to leave all those books outside their store.

Met up also with Susie and her bf Andy, and we tried to figure out dinner. Andy suggested calling for take-out since Susie didn't have any cash, and Andy had a credit card. Susie was all, "But I'm scared!" It's funny how something so simple like ordering take-out on the phone can feel so daunting in a foreign country. I'd be scared too. They ended up getting pizza.