what I learned on the Italy voyage

I wrote this a while ago in my journal...

I just loved traveling with these girls. As much as we love being American, we certainly didn't fit that American stereotype that foreigners hold against us: loud, obnoxious, and sticking out like a sore thumb. Something that we call, "Ugly American". There's actually a book out with that name.

And, by nature, we're not really loud people. So it was nice just being in silent awe of what we saw and not making a scene.

The really hard thing about traveling is that you want to see the "best of" but, as I have learned, I also want to enjoy the moment and relax and take in this beautiful place. I think that's the difference from being a traveler and being a tourist.

To do to make this all possible and to keep a balance between both:
1. Plan ahead: If we had of known how long the crazy lines were, I would have made reservations for the Uffizzi. Instead we lost almost 3 hours standing in line

2. Make a conscious decision: This might be harder for some people, but I want to see a city more than once. I'm not one of those checklist people. I try to make a conscious decision to come back for another visit. You can't know a city in a weekend. There's just too much. I've been in Paris for almost a year and I still don't truly know some parts of it. I want a reason to come back though and explore more which takes me to my next point.

3. Explore: Traveling is about exploring, making the best out of your time in a beautiful place. Learning comes from experience, and experience comes from trying something new.

Also, I learned other things...

1. Have money: Take care of money problems and letting your bank know you're abroad. It sucks that this had to happen to Keisha.
2. There are amazing boys everywhere. Who cares if English is their second language.
3. I don't have to spend time in a museum to enjoy a city, and it's not the end of the world if I don't see some famous work of art.

Yesterday was pretty sweet. Went to the catacombs again this time with Melissa, Kathy, and M's friend Myra. Then lunch at an Italian restaurant. I got the fish and it was so good. Later decided to go to the Saint Medard to write a bit, and Lucia wanted to join, so we sat there with demi-citrons, our legs getting a tan since we were both wearing dresses. We talked, people watched, I wrote for a while and Lucia drew. It was nice. I saw a girl with a brown bike that I absolutely adored, and it made me miss my bike at home. A nice, laidback day.

therapy

Went to group therapy yesterday which was really helpful. I'm not the type to go to group therapy or even seek professional help. Writing has been my thing. And although this is my official public outlet, I do have a private outlet being my journal. The stuff I write in here is sort of filtered and censored for the sake of my audience.

But it was a nice change to be able to confide in a group of peers and to Barb from MICEFA over things which I will not write of here, but will probably write of in the future. I got a lot out of the session.

The fact is this:

1. I am learning things that are unquantifiable. What I am learning cannot be finalized with a letter grade, cannot be charted on some graph.

2. This is the most selfish thing I will ever do in my entire life.

3. I will not be apologetic for who I am.

4. I'm not going to be the same person when I come back. And I'm not going to change back into who I was when I left. You are going to have to deal, and even then, I think/hope/pray that you like the new me.

And, lastly, no one will ever truly understand what happened to me my year in Paris. And those who have experienced this year with me will have the most understanding of anyone else. But my family, my friends, the people I left behind, they will never understand, and as much as I'd want them too, I'm okay with that. I can live with that, because this year is mine.

list of amazing things

Hey all. Hopefully you got caught up to date with my super long posts. I hate long posts, and my posts will usually never be that long, but I was without internet, and this is my second week here so there's a lot to write about, and I want you to know what I'm up to.

Here's a list of things that are amazing:
1. All the office supplies here. They use fountain pens and write on graph paper. LOVELY. I am in school supplies heaven.
2. Eating a sandwich with your friend in front of Notre Dame.
3. When your landlord brings you fresh mini croissants, pain au chocolat, and homemade jam.
4. People and tourist watching along the Seine and St. Michel.
5. My academic advisor giving me great advice, telling me all the cinema classes I can take. Yay!

Yup yup!

it's not all fun and games

It's hard to ignore the fact that bad things can happen. Not all trips are safe, end happily. There are bad people around who will hurt you for your money or other things. My uncle's friend who visited Spain was put into a chokehold until she was unconscious while they took her purse and money belt. She was walking down a strange dark alley at night. Anything can happen, but it's up to me to be on my guard and not do anything stupid.

Today, Dad was giving me his talk about protecting myself. I'm pretty cautious, and it takes me a while to trust people, but I've got to be on my guard abroad all the time. It's like a switch that must be on 24/7. It's fun when I turn it into a mind game, the kind of thing assassins or spies would train for. Looking for exits, checking if you're being followed. I've carried a knife with me ever since my Dad gave it to me when I turned 17. Having an older brother who could surprise tickle me or put me in a fake chokehold has quickened my reflexes. I could scream loudly if I really wanted to, and my karate teacher once told me that he liked the way I delivered a kick. I have all these things, but still. Dad says, "If anything happens...go for the kill." A scary quote, but I will do what I have to do to save my life or the lives of others.

I'm not going to lie and tell you that I love being a woman all the time. Sometimes I really don't. Guys have it easier. I hate being the prey. I hate the automatic assumptions. From what I learned about working on film shoots (where the majority of people on the crew are males), I'm my role first (whether it be assistant camera or director), and I'm a girl second. My sex has nothing to do with my job. My ability, my knowledge is sexless. I have a slogan at Gungirl Productions--my production company with my friend--and that's "Don't let your boobs get in the way of your filmmaking". Once you bring your gender into it, you lose everything. Let's stop arguing and make this film. Okay, enough about gender roles. I ramble.

All I'm saying is that everyone who travels has to be careful and not stupid and always aware. Girls, carry pepper spray, get your own drinks, and stay with friends. Guys, don't be stupid assholes and drink too much.

bonnes nouvelles

Finally some good news. This has been a good week, mail-wise. I got an email from CampusFrance, and they told me that I can apply for my visa without my passport number: no problem. So that's out of the way, except there's some stuff on the forms that I need to clarify with them so that I don't do it wrong. So that's great. Also in the form of an email, a student who studied film where I want to study sent me some great advice about what film's like over there and how I should go about and all. He told me to bring a camera if I plan to make a movie there. I probably will. He told me not to be scared of the French. I probably will.

Now, if I could get my passport, all my dreams will come true. Come on, good old-fashioned postal service. Do me this one thing before my birthday.

So, my roommate Morgan gave me some great, amazing, wonderful advice whilst on our bike ride to school that I hope I heed. She told me that when I'm in Paris, I should seriously get out and explore the city and not be a studying homebody hermit like I am here. She's completely right. When will I ever live in Paris again? San Francisco I really take for granted. I've barely been in the city for more than ten times this past year, it seems. So busy working on my films, studying, and being a hermit. It's really lame. I can't do that next year in Paris. God, if I am, hit me, hit me with a really stale baguette. And when I come back to San Francisco for my last year, the year I graduate, I better live it up. Live like I was in Paris (if I play my cards straight and not stay a hermit). Cuz after that, it's over. I'm not going to be a student anymore, and I'm not going to be in San Francisco anymore.

Gosh, life lessons, here and there.

embarrased

Oh. Gawd. I was waiting for the elevator when my classmate came out of it and said, "You're on the front page of the newspaper." I laughed and said, "You're joking, right?" He asked, "Are you studying abroad?" I said "Yeeaahhh" really slowly. He took his newspaper out of his backpack and showed it to me. There I am with my big goofy face with my study abroad certificate on stage with other study abroad people. OH. MY. GAWD. I'm smiling and sort of laughing in the photo because I remember laughing on stage because there's so many of us going to France.

The school did an article on study abroad applicants, and there was a ceremony for us just this past Tuesday. I saw some guy taking pictures, but, jeez, I didn't think they'd put it on the freaking front page. I'm getting a lot of playful teasing right now from my friends who have seen the newspaper. I'm sort of embarassed because I look like such a huge dork!! Anyway, it's pretty hilarious.

Met with a cinema advisor who is also my screenwriting professor so that he can sign my study abroad papers too. Hopefully, if I can hack it, I'll be able to do 12 elective units abroad to transfer here. Sweetness!

advising and medical results

Met with my French advisor, Madame Le Marchand. She's so awesome. She pretty much figured out the rest of my two years at SFSU. All I have to do is complete 15 units abroad (four 3-unit electives and one 3-unit culture class) and then finish 6 more units (2 classes) back at State. Easy peasey lemon squeezey. There's my French major right there, boo yah.

I figured out the math for my Cinema major as well. I can only take 12 units outside of State to count towards my cinema major. Hopefully, I can take a French elective that has film in it so that it can count for both Cinema and French. Sweetness. I told my screenwriting professor, who is also an advisor, that I was going to meet with him so that he can sign off on my study abroad papers too. Anyway, the study abroad program requires that we have at least 15 units each semester. If I'm lucky and can get into the classes I want and need, I can fulfill both the units required for both my majors. Awesomeness.

Also had my physical at San Fran International Airport. My doctor looked like David Bowie, it was surreal. I wanted to burst into song singing, "Ground control to Major Tom." But I knew that would be inappropriate. Bowie told me that I'm in excellent condition--sweetness!

Tomorrow is orientation for study abroad. After, I'm going to my friend's wedding. Ugh, I got tons of stuff to do: paper, edit my film project, a final next week. I can't believe how fast this semester went by!