therapy

Went to group therapy yesterday which was really helpful. I'm not the type to go to group therapy or even seek professional help. Writing has been my thing. And although this is my official public outlet, I do have a private outlet being my journal. The stuff I write in here is sort of filtered and censored for the sake of my audience.

But it was a nice change to be able to confide in a group of peers and to Barb from MICEFA over things which I will not write of here, but will probably write of in the future. I got a lot out of the session.

The fact is this:

1. I am learning things that are unquantifiable. What I am learning cannot be finalized with a letter grade, cannot be charted on some graph.

2. This is the most selfish thing I will ever do in my entire life.

3. I will not be apologetic for who I am.

4. I'm not going to be the same person when I come back. And I'm not going to change back into who I was when I left. You are going to have to deal, and even then, I think/hope/pray that you like the new me.

And, lastly, no one will ever truly understand what happened to me my year in Paris. And those who have experienced this year with me will have the most understanding of anyone else. But my family, my friends, the people I left behind, they will never understand, and as much as I'd want them too, I'm okay with that. I can live with that, because this year is mine.