dropping bombs

My heart is ready to implode right now. Mom sent me an email asking me if I wanted to come home for Christmas.

AAAHHH!!! Just the idea that Mom would be okay with me coming home for Christmas makes me happy to no end. The thought of coming home in the middle of my year abroad has never crossed my mind. This is Paris for a Year, even though it's an implied "school year". I shouldn't be going home in the middle of it. Everyone even advised against going home for Christmas, how it sort of ruins things a little. I can see how that can happen.

But it's tempting, dear God, is it tempting. It's also expensive. I already looked at some flights. And I'd like to go home, really, you have no idea, I want to see my family and friends and spend Christmas and New Years with them, hug and kiss my Mom, Dad, and Kuya, eat good ol' American food with them, but I can't help but think about the sacrifice I'm making. How I'm giving up the chance to experience two major holiday events without the people I love. This might be the only chance I get to do that. You might think I'm crazy, actually wanting to spend the holidays alone, Bridget Jones's style. But to spend the holiday in Paris, of all places. What would that be like? Totally depressing? Or ultimately rewarding, enriching, life-affirming, add any sort of inspirational adjective here. I want to know what happens to me, how I'll cope, what I'll feel. The option is there. And I might never be at a point in my life where I want to be alone like this again.

I think the decision has been made. Thank you Mom and Dad for wanting me home that much. But I think staying in Europe for the holidays would be the best for me and for your wallet. I love you.

love love love,
elaine