another freaking beautiful day in PARadISe

Yup, yup. The beauty never stops. It'll be freaking pouring out, and it's still be beautiful to me. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and autumn has never looked so amazing. I spent the morning sitting at my windowsill, window open of course, writing postcards for friends. It was wonderful. I had a cup of Earl Grey perched on the ledge. I watered the plants that I promised to care for for Monsieur Bassoul.

I'm going out to lunch with Keisha. It's a Saturday. I've been inside eating pasta, cereal, and yogurt. Salad and hummus on crackers. Bananas and apples. Afternoon tea and cookies. For the past couple of weeks. I deserve it. We deserve it. My jeans are baggier than ever, and I don't care, I really don't. I'll buy an amazing pair of jeans once I reach the size I want to be for my brother's wedding 'cuz I really want to look awesome for that. I've never been a bridesmaid, and those wedding photos are going to be around forever. I want to look amazing. I was changing and in the mirror I noticed that I HAVE A WAIST!!! It was a lovely surprise to see a hourglass forming. I used to be just a blob. But wow, it's all happening! I want people to be surprised when I come back. I want a Sabrina-esque change. I want to be healthy and fit. I want this so badly more than ever.

I know now that I've never felt more alive, more happier thousands of miles away from home, from family, from friends--the people who I love, who've taken care of me, who are now missing. A telephone call, an email, a Facebook message: they're all horrible substitutes to their real, physical and emotional presence in my life. But this had to happen. Would these changes have happened, these goals, if the people I loved were around? If I was still back in SF or LA? I don't think they would have. This had to happen. Here, in Paris, here, by myself.