horoscope of hope

Here's my horoscope for today in the LA Times: "Without faith that your efforts will lead to a better life, there is no motivation to work. It's most beneficial to spend today bolstering your faith, imagining what next week will bring."

I really needed that.

I've been getting really uninspiring advice from family and whoever telling me to be a "professional student" and to just stay in school and never enter the real world. Wow, is it really that bad? And these people, they're not even trying to get in the film business or anything.

I was going to relish this one last year at school, and now, I'm not sure I want it to end as quickly as I had hoped. It's going to be difficutl; and it can all be broken down so easily. The first two were already said to me by one of my cousin's. The last two are my own:

1. I'm a girl.
2. I'm not white.
3. I'm not rich.
4. I'm not good at schmoozing or making friends.

Recipe for disaster. It's been really hard to have faith in my path despite little instances and signs. Just because the more I think about who I am and what I write and care about the more differences I see in me and the rest of my generation. I went to the mall today and stood on the second floor looking down at the center where a lot of people were congregated and said to myself, "This is the audience." And I knew, I effing knew, that without a doubt, a good percentage of these people would not care about a film that I would make. But why should I care right? I mean, it's my film, I should just be happy to make a film let alone have an audience willing to watch it. I dunno...Sorry, I'm just babbling, I can't wrap my head around any of it. God, give me strength to keep my faith.

In other things, I can't stop listening to Wax Tailor's "Que Sera".Here it is set to Fritz Lang's Metropolis---AMAZING! .

I also have an Apple one to one appointment tomorrow. Yay!