vendredi 17 août 2007

post 23: or one is the loneliest number

I've always liked the number 23. Always felt that it was a good luck number. I was born on the 23rd. And this is my 23rd post.

So it's my last week here. Sad but true. Actually, I'm not really sad anymore, at least I'm trying not to be. I know being sad would help my art, writing and film, but it definitely won't help me leave. I've been given a great opportunity to leave things and people familiar, and I can be sad and mope or I can take advantage.

I've learned a lot of things about myself this past summer and actually this past week. I know what I want. I've always known what I want but sometimes the list gets bigger or things are clarified. I know what I don't want. I've never thought that I'd have to make a list for that, but now there's a list. I know that I was meant to do this alone and that being alone will be good for me for a while. This trip is not about finding answers but more about the journey towards these answers (oh my God, may I interject because "one" by aimmee mann just came on my itunes, how appropriate?). But you don't need to know the questions. I am complete by myself. I've needed that foremost before anything. Before starting a real career, before having a boyfriend. I can't start these things when I'm incomplete. I can't look towards these things to complete me. No one should. One is the loneliest number. Mom was right, I am a loner just like my father.

3 commentaires:

Eli Edmundson a dit…

Also born on the 23rd (virgo,libra cusp) I also have an affection for the #. After all we have 23 chromosomes etc... I'll have to read more about your year in Paris, I think it's great for young people to broaden their horizons, great for old farts like me too I suppose....

elaine a dit…

thanks for your support!

Eli Edmundson a dit…

Just rereading this post I thought how admirable it is you can recognize it is important to figure yourself out but maybe I quibble with the wording... I don't think we are ever complete nor need to be to have careers or relationships, these things can help us on our journeys of self discovery as easily as they can hinder and what is right and appropriate for now may not be forever. Just some thoughts, good luck overseas!